thank you Lord...even for moodiness!

:: SOOO… thinking that he would react a bit weird or text something like ..”Why?” Or…maybe I should say WANTING his reaction to be that…I was thrown for a loop when he replied with a simple “Ok.”….I was like OMG….that’s all dude? Hmmmm…..well, ok…and ….the day went by and  then the evening came …all I could think about was him…and whether I had made the right decision or not….smh….Monica, how could you not have made the right decision?…….let it go….but instead,  the anger flared and then came the “all guys are the same” nonsense…let’s  throw all guys under the bus attitude was in full affect…lol...giving me fuel to post an ugly on Facebook….lol…posts that are not pretty well, …they’re called “ugly”…….in my vocab anyway….don’t post uglies on fb people…lol.

…that night I went home and tried my best not to look forward to our evening convo, or his late night call just to say goodnight……but as I went to bed that night, the silence from my phone made me sad and even more, it made me mad.....not at him, but at myself.....As I tucked SJ in and cut out all the lights, I found myself saying……wow…he knows I meant what I said….man this sucks…..well at least I will get to see him tomorrow………….and here’s the twist…….Richard and I, well we work together……………………………….. :/

……..so on Tuesday morning, I arrived at the Hop and got straight to work. I did my lil morning thing and looked forward to hearing his squeaky boots, music from Tupac coming from his phone, and him turning the corner to say…”Hey.”…lol….which reminds me….while he was in prison….touch screen phones were invented……and so, needless to say watching him mess with his “NEW” “MODERN” …”TOUCH” phone was hillarious…..all names he called them…lol….simple things like this are what can make someone be adorable to you…anywho, while I waited to hear what I wanted…..a foreman’s fast walk and strong voice came instead and said ..

“Hey Monica…so and so won’t be here today!”

“Ok!”…and in my mind, I start thinking, what the? Where is this mug at…I hope everything is ok…….why is he missing work already?………and so guess what MC did…………………………………………………………yup……I did it…..

“Hey Rich. Is everything ok? You need a ride to work?”…………send………..only to never get a response……

…..and so the work day brought on worry, confusion, and anger……the evening brought on more anger, sadness and a passion to write like never before….GOD, what is going on inside…….I really don’t want to feel like this….....(time to invest in a computer God, bc all that is in me….is surely coming out someday..) get out of this house he said….so, SJ and I left. We went and got McDonald’s. As I listened to SJ’s stories of her school day, and laughed at her silliness, I realized that her stories had suddenly relaxed my mind and changed my bad mood……….Praise The Lord for McDonald's and elementary school!

......we get back home....after dinner we played around and  SJ and I had a sweet moment that God knows I needed....SJ told me I was the best mom ever!! .....I went to bed so loved!! And then came the morning and man was Wednesday better.....Joyce Meyer was on point, and both SJ and I were ready to conquer the day!.....I dropped SJ off at school and prayed on my way to work.......can't rememebr what I said but I know I told God, I know I'm not perfect, but God I want to be righteous.....I need you and nothing but you....please help me today...

....and so, my day started! It was a good morning, my coffee tasted just right, pandora was on point, and my work load wasn't bad at all. I was tempted to see if he was there, so I checked the time clock and sure enough....he was there....

.....I spoke to my flesh and told her that we weren't goin to go there today, we were not goin to fall after God had already picked us up.....this isn't a game Monica.....you run your race and you run it according to the rules that are goin to help you win........see when we make our flesh line up with God's word....it dies. Those desires to be "bad" die....when you hear people say the word is POWER...that's what it is....true POWER......to overcome.....even your thoughts..........

........a bit before noon, I was hard at work and all of a sudden I hear a door slam so hard and a song from Tupac.........................I rushed to grab my cup of coffee to hide the huge smile I was about to shine..............

"Say...ummmm, Mack said I could come to you and you would fix my time....I didn't clock in right!"........thinking to myself, ummm hummmmm...lie from the pits...I already checked your time dude.....

"Sure....did you not clock in today?"........

"Yeah, I did!...But can you just check it in case?"............lol.......

"Sure.".......

"Thanks."

...and while I checked his time, he checked me out....sang a few lines from Tupac, and leaned on my desk to get my attention........I looked up....

"You're time is good dude."

"ALRIGHT!".....this time in a tone that was not cool at all.........I gave him a look like what the?.....and then came his look........

"Why do you have to change your tone?...Can't you be cool?"

"Naw man, I'm mad!"........lol, dang.

"Oh I see!...Sorry. "

"Naw it's cool."

"Ok, thanks dude.....have a nice lunch."

........and as he walked away, I thought to myself OMG.......lol.......maybe this isn't going to be so hard....hmmmmmm...stay STRONG pretty girl.

....5 pm came and as I left work that day to pick up Seenah, he text....

Can I call you?

....before I could respond my phone was ringing....I answered..

"What's up dude?"

....our conversation was first about how our day was, how it was a lil wierd that things weren't the same this morning and how he was sorry ......for being mad..... then all of a sudden how he couldn't believe how easy I could just end our "friendship"...and how me not wanting to get to know him anymore was messed up......

"If there could ever be anything between us, how are we goin to know if you don't give me a chance?"

"I really don't want to talk to you about this anymore....I'll call you after church tonight."...

"Alright."

.............well Wednesday night after church, I came home and meditated on God's word and what Pastor Dean had spoke about.......our brains...our thoughts.....all OURS...

....see when I came home, I wanted to call him...I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean what I said and that deep down I look forward to getting to know him....but I just couldn't work up the nerve to do it...I looked at my phone again, set it down, put it on the charger, and then picked it up...and with all I had, told myself it's all in your mind Monica..and with that.......decided to turn it off in case he called, and went to bed.......

..Thursday came and it was so much better. He came up to say hello during his break and was much nicer than the day before. I said something about Jesus and not much after he told me some things that I honestly didn't expect to come from the mouth of Mr. J...not his or any man's for that matter....

"Monica., I'm sorry if I messed with your emotions...you're too nice for me not to tell you this. I really wanted to get to know you and I didn't want anything to do with my baby mom, but you know how they say about your first love and all that...it's true. I found out that maybe I did still love her...but I didn't want to tell you that we were working on things because you.............well you know how I feel about you. I didn't mean for my baby mom to get in our way.......I'm sorry...I really can;t put into words everything I want to say....I guess being locked up has made me be able to just shove my emotions inside. As much as I wish it were you.....I guess I want her, bc she gots my back...

...as I wiped away a few tears I said, "You know Rich, that took a lot of guts, and I thank you for telling me the truth. But the truth is.....your baby mom isn't the one in the way....I am..and although all of this happened so super fast...I can honestly say you are one cool dude. I enjoyed the lil whirlwind while it lasted, but being real....you and I both know it wasn't right."

..shaking his head yes he got up from the chair in my office, and said "You look nice today. I hope you have a good day Miss Monica."

.....I smiled as he walked away and thanked God that things were becming what they really should be.

...Friday came and once again he complimented me on the way I looked...I thanked him without saying anything else, he walked away and I thanked God once again...for strength to be chill.....Friday was a good day.. :) ...Saturday morning I shopped at Wal-Mart and ignored several phone calls.....and yeah they were from him....it took a lot to tell myself not to answer....

...and I won't answer any of his calls anymore.........until I know for sure that I'm strong enough to...

....so to end this lil story...lol......I should say that life is all about happenings.....what should have never happened, happened, and what could have gone on for more than just a month came to a screeching halt at the start of my monthly moodiness....thank God for mother nature's boldness....and more importantly...Thank God for the greater one inside of me who no matter what I put him through...is ALWAYS THERE to school me, to SHOW me, to strengthen me, and  to LOOOOOVE me........ :)

~monica

Blog 10

4/28/13

.....no more mood..just words :)

:: …so since I left everyone hangin yesterday…I figured I’d  devote my lunch hour to write…you know  after thinking and replaying that whole situation with this dude in my mind…I cried…lol….not bc I was sad, but bc I was like ughhhh…….stuff like that just gets tossed around now a days like it’s no biggie.. it ends up meaning nothing, not to the person saying it but to the person being told such things..…….the next guy that talks to me about getting married better do something about it or I’m going to run over him…lol………kidding….

…..after the wedding was done and over with, I actually had time to think, time to unwind, time to myself…and on Saturday night as I opened up my bible and tuned into a Single Life teaching….it didn’t take long for the tears to start coming…and boy did they come……..I started to think…you know, people think that being single is all about PARTYING, SLEEPING AROUND, DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT, PUTTING THEIR KIDS TO THE SIDE FOR A NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN, or FOR A NIGHT WITH A WOMAN or FOR A NIGHT  MAN, and pretty much LIVING the life they want ..ARE SO WRONG……that life of SIN is cool while you’re doing it, especially if you’ve never had a taste of GOD….but when you have, you crave something bigger, when you’ve had a small taste of what God can do for you, when you GET TO KNOW HIM……you hold out for that BIGGER AND BETTER taste of him…and all bc you know it’s going to be amazing. Especially when you have learned that he is so good, all he wants is your love and devotion to him…bc with that…he’s able to do what Jesus dies for…..to give you exactly what you want……it hurts you when you know you’ve left him and he’s been there waiting for you like the good man he is….you wonder why he didn’t get mad and leave…..….you think to yourself…ok, God …what did I do wrong this time….show me….and this is what he showed me……….

….you see, in case you haven’t noticed….I’m single…lol….I’m not a lame chick, I can hold my own, I don’t have drama, I don’t go out, I don’t party, I don’t sleep around, I don’t do what the single girls of the “world” do……now don’t get me wrong, I HAVE BEEN THERE, AND DONE THAT…omg…(now that kind of stuff, you will actually have to pay for someday)…the details of my life lived in the world…that is going to be a must read….lol….but sometimes….I will admit…I use my SINGLENESS to my advantage……..

…..ans he showed me in this way..…God said look at yourself in the mirror…..what do you see………I see me God….. Monica….now look on your bed, what do you see….I see SJ….now look at her again…what is she doing…..she’s sleeping God….no… look at her……she’s resting……Yeah God she’s resting……she looks so sweet………then he said, you think she’s worried about who she’s going to marry someday……………No God, she’s not…….she doesn’t even think about that yet….and why doesn’t she Monica?........because  she’s still a baby and she still has a whole life to live……..work to do for you….and  that would be silly if she did God…….ok now look in the mirror again……….the way you see SJ is the same way I see you……this lil girl…….who still has a life to live…..work to do for me………look at how long you lived without me……..do you really want to live without me ever again…?.........NEVER GOD…NEVER…..then why are you ignoring me he asked………

……I didn’t have the words to answer him back…….instead, I drifted off to sleep only to wake up a few hours later with this dude, heavy on my heart……and God asking me….what do you know about this guy Monica……ummmmm……nothing really God….and you let him kiss you?.....yeah….hold on,….but you know nothing about him……….yeah I know ,I just told you……….I don’t understand Monica….touching isn’t ok, think of what else it could have led to………What does he say about me Monica……………..he hasn’t said anything about you God………and you’ve let him talk to you about other things?............ummm yeah God………ok and just where is he at in life Monica…is he somewhere you want to be?...........ummmmm, not even God……and remember when you wanted so badly to work things out with Sam…how did you feel…..…….ummm yes God, I remember….…….NOW HOW DO YOU THINK THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN FEELS……………….the same God, I know she wants to work things out with him……….NOW THINK……..if you love people the way I do…what do you want to happen to him……………………..God, I want to see you restore his relationship with her and them be a family….serving you…..living your will……then get out of his way Monica………

……..and then the tears poured and poured…….you see once you belong to GOD and you are filled with the Holy Spirit….you become some sort of a…how can I describe it….you just know things…..and as soon as that dude walked in the door of my work….I KNEW that I would see him again……..as soon as he kissed me for the first time…….I knew I would let him do it again……….as soon as he picked me up….I knew I liked it…….and as soon as he spoke to me about marriage…GOD knew that it would tug at my heart so bad ….and  he was going to let that moment of hurt catapult me into a new frame of mind……..

… and now coming back to when he told me that about marriage………..it did hurt…..but who set themselves up for that hurt…I DID…….the holy spirit had already told me NO…don’t go there…but bc of MY CHOICES, MY FLESH, MY DISOBEDIENCE….it was now my hurt….you see from the beginning…God was looking out for my good………and as I sat there on the couch and he played with my hair…I said…

“I’m crying because I’m wasting my time with you…and I know it! It hurts because I am a good girl…and you can’t see it….you don’t appreciate it.” …..and it hit me ….the reason he was satisfied with not having sex…is because he was having sex with his baby mom……he didn’t need me for sex…. the reason he won’t come to church on Sunday’s is bc Sundays are his family days……... …and they go to a different church…lol…

….so Sunday morning at church…I heard a man singing behind me….singing so off tune but so in love with what the song said that I thought…..OMG…..GOD, I WANT THAT…I WANT A MAN who will sing his heart out  for you……………and Sunday at CLC… is when I said you know God……..thank you….thank you for showing me things last week…thanks you for showing me last night and thank you GOD…for never leaving me nor forsaking me……….tomorrow….I’m putting an end to this..

…so Monday came…and all morning long I thought, now how am I going to do this God..…how do I tell him that this is happening no more………give me courage, give me the words God……..and then the text came through….

“Have a beautiful day pretty lady.”…... :/..God…why does he have to talk to me like that…I don’t want

to do this…Please God……I ignored the text……about four  hours later came another….

“Hello friend.”…….this time I was set on ending things…and I responded quicker then I thought.

“Hey….what do you want dude?”……..ummm yeah, the moodiness was kicking in…

“What the hell Bobby?”………I LAUGHED…so hard…you see God this is what I like abouthim…he’s funny…shut it Monica…..I don’t respond…

“What up…are you busy for lunch?”

“No, I’m just goin home.”

“Think you can run me to the house?”

“Sure.”……..omg, I can’t wait to see him….omg God….I wonder what he wore today….check your make-up………how much longer till 12…..

…thirty minutes later I’m dropping him off and he says…

“What, you aren’t going to stay?”

“No..I’m going home. “…..at that point, he didn’t want to get off of the car…..I gave him a look like come on dude….hurry up…. so he finally gets off……but before shutting the door. He asks…

“Will you come pick me up?”

“Sure dude…..and when I do I need to tell you something! “

“What is it…aww man, you look serious…don’t do this to me!”…

“Peace out dude…I’ll see you at one. “…..

…..SO I PICK HIM UP…and still lack the courage to tell him….but the quiet ride was the most quietest moment we’ve shared …see I didn’t want to tell him and he didn’t wanna hear it…..so as soon as we parted ways…I sent him a text………….

“Listen Richard…I’m sorry for making you think that there could ever be anything between  us…I’m not really into you hiding things and constantly wondering about what I’m doing…it’s obvious you  aren’t right. You asked me if I was mad at you and the truth is, I’m not one bit mad at you…if I’m mad at anyone…it’s myself, for thinking that you “could be” different…even more true is as much as we “like” each other..…you are no one I NEED in my life nor am I someone you WANT in yours…If it is going to be hard for you to keep things strictly on a friendship level then just don’t be my friend…because remember …friends is all we are..”….

…..and as I hit the send button…..a HUGE weight was lifted off of my shoulder…..

…and sooo it seems like I enjoy posting my blogs in story form…now I know you can’t like this on here without a Google account, but if you liked it and want more…LET ME KNOW by LIKING the dang thang…..lol….for real…the more I know people are reading…..the more I want to write……..tonight after church…I’ll write what his response was…why things like this happen and how instead of avoiding it..we let it happen...waht did God mean by resting....and just like before…throw in a nice lil twist….. 

~monica

Blog 9

4/24/13

Moody or heart broken...hmmmmm

:: …..OMG….am  I ever moody…….you know that time of month when everything bothers you, everyone’s voice annoys the living day out of you, even your own :/…….and you just want to slap everyone in the face, just for looking at you….LOL…ok, it’s not that bad, but you catch my drift right…well, as much as I like the cleansing…..I HATE the boldness it comes with…it’s bad enough that I’m pretty vocal, and adding more reason to be mean vocally, takes lots of control……….and sometimes, I insist on losing control, and letting my flesh take over…only to regret what I’ve done, said and felt…..smh….

…..so yesterday, I posted something on fb that prompted a sweet friend to ask me if everything was ok...lol…in case you’ve not noticed…I’m on a man bash…..lol…. and after commenting on my fb post yesterday….. (which I later deleted)… his exact words were….”What’s really going on with you Monica, you know if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”…………..and as I text him back that everything was ok….the thoughts came in……..yeah Monica…what’s really going on with ya?....hmmm……….since you make it so easy in sharing with the world how good life is and you want  to be real….share with them the times you get pissed off, feel like crap, get tempted to sin,  and just want to curl up in a corner and CRY……ok, sure…….let me tell you….

……well….as I thought about why I was so upset , I came to the conclusion that I was annoyed with one certain man…..but overall pissed with men in general………you see, last week…this “friend” that claims to be just a friend….took me to lunch, and asked me 21 questions…hmmm… in return…I couldn’t ask not 1…. WHAT THE…..now I’m not about WOMAN POWER or anything like that but, are we for real here dude?????….Ok, so maybe he likes me like that, nice……ok…..well…..being honest  with  yourself Monica……why do you have to be questioned……you’re not doing anything wrong, and he’s not God to question who you talk to, who you see and so on…….hmmmmm………..the thought arose…maybe…just maybe…….he could have more up his sleeve then just prison tattoo’s ….so let’s do an inventory…….of all that has occurred in the last month……and  well, let’s just say that I had to re-evaluate who my “friends” are, what MY desires are, what MY goals are, and ultimately WHO I AM…..see a month ago is when this dude…smh…walked through the front door of my work lookin for a job…….a month ago is when I let my flesh start “catching feelings” for this dude……and a month ago as I tried giving him the word of God…he tried swooping me off of my feet, literally………sad part is….…I let him :/

……so this guy, you know that one I think is super-hot, just got out of prison, has nothing going for him, yeah him………well he starts talking to me, we chat it up, we exchange numbers, we hang out, we talk constantly, we laugh constantly, we go places together…he comes over for lunch….I go over to his PARENTS house for lunch, he buys me breakfast, I buy him snacks…lol…..we KISS, we HOLD HANDS …..and as I catch feelings for him he has no PROBLEM expressing his for me…, he tells me I’m the prettiest girl to ever come into in his life, he begs me to let him take me out…he begs me topay attention to him all the time….he constantly asks to pick me up,like pick me up..literally… like lift me off the ground…all to prove to me that he’s this strong man…..mannn ladies……if you’ve never been picked up and held by a man, you’re missing out…lol…just kidding…it’s not all that…wait yes it is……anyway……..he does all this…..makes me feel like I’m #1…….. all while he tries to hide his FULL BLOWN relationship with his baby mom………yeah…..…and one day, as he walked in to bring me breakfast…..…the holy spirit told me…...NO!!!!....…loud and clear……what??.........wait hold ON ….was that a no to the breakfast burrito God, or to him…….oh Lord, bc you know, better than I do, that I want BOTH………hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………….this was not a good thing….ok God, now you’re getting in the way of WHAT I WANT………….just chill GOD…let me handle this…………….

………I continued to be disobedient….talking to this guy who by NO means has any JESUS in him…claims to know the WORD but to this day will accept my invitation to go to church…but when I told him I was planning a wedding, asked, “Can I be your date?”……………and the idiot girl in me actually thought about it…….ughhhhhh…….then I thought…pictures will be taken, this isn’t just a regular day Monica….…hmmmmm……really want all those memories to include him?………UMMM NO……and for that matter, I am not takin anyone JESUS….this is my time  to shine…….ALONE!!!!

……well….with the rush of the wedding, the never ending excitement of a new “potential” guy to be my boyfriend……..GOD got pushed to the back burner…….and sat there this whole time, making every effort he could to warn me that I was about to NEED HIM more than ANYTHING……….

……..mannn…..this guy who would beg to get all of my attention, was perfectly ok with not having sex, perfectly ok with the thought of a good girl being with a bad guy……told me we were going to change each other’s  lives…..lol…and that someday, I’d be planning mine and his wedding…………

……..hold up, DO YOU KNOW who you are talking to DUDE……you’re talking tome…lol… Monica Campos……the chick who has been praying and waiting for the day for Mr. Right to get down on one knee and ask me to be Mrs. WHOEVER….lol……….

“Don’t play with me like that dude…you don’t even know me!”….( if there are any guys reading this….don’t play like that with a woman…you’ll either steal her heart or set a fire in it )….

“Why? I’m just being honest…I see you doing all this for your friend…you wish it was it for yourself huh?”…….”See you think I don’t know you yet, but I do…you are ready…ready to love HARD!”…..and that was it…..that’s all it took for me to start bawlin……

“No dude, I don’t wish it was it was for me……I know my time is coming, God’s working on my man!”

“MONICA…then why are you sitting here crying like a cute lil baby?”………

........ughhhhhhh why do I still have to cry so much when things touch my heart GOD.......WHY!!!!???

.....I 'm done today...I'm not even in a mood to write anymore.........and I'm not even halfway done...

~monica

4/23/13

afterthoughts and ummm mystery guys... :)

:: ..Happy Friday faithful readers!!  Well…I’m sure most of you are wondering who this mystery guy is…lol…and just who those mystery texts are from….and WHAT on EARTH am I thinking, feeling or better yet PRAYING!! Well…..let me tell you…..

….his name is Frankie…and yeah, he’s my friend on FB…yeah he’s older, but I prefer older guys…if you go and look at his pics, you will probably think like I did…this dude looks really old…..but TRUST ME…his pics do him NO justice…Frankie, I know you will eventually be reading this… It’s time for some NEW PICS…lololololol…hey if I didn’t speak the truth, then I wouldn’t be me… and I can be your photographer, just let me know when!! LOL……

…lots of people ask me “Why do you like older men!?”…….I‘ve often asked myself that too, and well, let me tell ya! ….I am a goofy girl…super goofy…and almost childish at times….who admits to being childish?…I do. But in a good way…and having someone older, balances my goofiness I think…I enjoy the comfort from having someone older there for me, able to relate to me, someone that has been through a few things in life and wouldn’t  be scared to jump in and be a father figure to SJ, unlike younger guys…..there’s just something about a man who has his life together, and who WANTS to support a woman and her child ….I don’t care what anyone says…I look forward to the day a man can take care of me and SJ…for so many reasons….and in return, I look forward to doing the same for him……but the way I want to take care of a man is far beyond what some of them want…..

…..which brings me to one of the mystery texts……you know the one that asked…how is your date going? Well, it was from a guy….that if (going strictly by my flesh) is hands down the most gorgeous man I’ve seen in  about 2 years…I mean like…his eyes, his body, his personality, his smile, his laugh, the way he looks in oily clothes…omg, I could go on and on… ladies…you catch my drift right? Well, he told me straight up…if you were to be my girl….you would take such good care of me…FOR REAL, I just know it! I laughed so hard and said, what do you mean? He said, there’s just something different about you, you have a deep kind of love for people. He doesn’t know it’s JESUS…Well, he’s younger, he’s my age, he comes from a good family, and has a very positive outlook on life… but he has absolutely nothing to offer me and SJ……he just started working….he has baby mama drama…he has NO God in him……and worst of all….he just got out of prison….so why do you talk to him you may ask….Well first of all, if I spoke to nothing but God filled people and never gave the lost the time of day…how could  I ever teach them about JESUS?….Yeah he’s mentioned that he’s  interested, it’s obvious…but I tell him, you have no idea how to treat a woman like me…I’m of a different kind…told him we could be friends and invited him to church, told him that if he ever needed anyone to talk to, I was here……Not long after our talks started, I began the process of talking to him about God, he’s very interested in learning….even claims he knows the bible and that Revelation is his favorite book , which is GOOD… But some guys need to hear about Jesus from another male…I come off too hard, just ask the last one…he’s not even my friend anymore ( Joshee)!!….But who knows what will happen with this guy named Richard……I respect him for being the only guy that stepped up to the plate to help wash cars last Saturday…..he’s the only guy who has ever offered to wash my car period… and to this day…the only guy to ever call me in the middle of the night and say PRAY for me……see something is going on in his heart, and if the Holy Spirit is right (which he always is)…he’s been put in my life on purpose…maybe it’s so I can teach him and lead him to Jesus , so that he can eventually work things out with his baby momma….or who knows….maybe he’s been put in my life to change my last name……

 

……which brings me to the next text…..you know the one that said..hey, what’s up?...well it was from yet another guy…who I’ve only known for about two weeks…let me rephrase that…we went to school together but he was terribly shy and I don’t ever remember him saying two words!  About two weeks ago, he hit me up on fb….we chatted it up there, exchanged phone numbers and started talking on the phone..….the first thing we talked about, was our singleness. He mentioned that HE WAS READY….ready for what…to settle down and get married…OH WOW…finally, a guy that feels the same way I do…ok, well there’s one thing we have in common……he seems like a great guy, he’s very educated, comes for ma good family it seems…..but as with pro’s there are things called con’s……and this guy admitted …..I hardly have a life… I work ALLL of the time…….. for those that know me the best…..I stay away from those kinds…….and they know exactly why......which brings me back to Frankie….

 

…..Frankie is always working too. Frankie is a bit of a party animal, and Frankie isn’t where I am at, with God.  (He’ll email me later on to tell me..” I do not party like that!”)…lol…ok, so maybe he has a beer or two at every bbq…..and from what I hear…he’s always bbq’ing!! And in Frankie’s eyes…that means he’s not a party animal……Frankie is more faithful to karaoke nights than he is to church…Frankie is the sweetest man I’ve meant in about 5 years….but what Frankie needs to know, is that I am not about to compromise who I am, what I believe and what I want just because I want a man…please…lonely, yes I do get at times….desperate….ummm NEVER…..I can see past his flaws,  I can be around it and not feel tempted, but why would I have to??...…and especially with SJ….she sees beers, and immediately she wants to leave and pray for the people getting “drunk” she says..… What can I say…I’ve trained her that way….I would never ask anyone to change who they were on my behalf…. I would want them to be so in love with GOD that the change just came natural..…

 

…you see there is nothing wrong with talking to guys, nothing wrong with having guy friends, nothing wrong with going on a date every now and then…and nothing wrong with BLOGGING about it…lol.…..but my advice to all the single chicks……KNOW YOUR WORTH AND KNOW WHAT YOU WANT….be willing to NEVER COMPROMISE…..NO matter how GORGEOUS he is, no matter how SWEET he is, and no matter how EDUCATED he is…you are VALUABLE and if it takes years for some guy to realize it…don’t fret…there is lots of fun to being single, and  the patience you’ve grown while waiting will bless you in your relationship…..

 

….well it’s been fun sharing with you guys on this lovely Friday afternoon….but I must get ready…I’ve got a date with one of the mystery guys tonight… ;)…and hopefully he won’t mind me blogging about him either….

Loves,

~Monica

…oh yeah…and a quick favor…if you enjoyed reading this….please let me know by liking it on my FB…I wanna know that my future books will be best sellers!! LOL!!

Blog 7

4/12/13

Last but not least..Part 3 :)

….as he pulls onto Joe Harvey, not Navajo, lol, I thank him for taking me to dinner. I mention it was sooo yummy AGAIN, and how I was super sad I didn’t get to have dessert! He should have known that chunky girls loooove dessert! LOL!! Can I quit being a fatty on this “date”…lol…….Ummm no! HA!! We make our little 2 minute drive to Wal-Mart, and as he searches for a parking spot, he says….”I’ll tell you what!”

…”What dude?”

“Why don’t we get a funnel cake for dessert?”

Smiling from ear to ear, I think did he just say funnel cake?  That’s like a piece of heaven to me…a big fat GREASY, GOOEY piece of heaven…OMG with powdered sugar, and CINNAMON…yummy….” Sure!! But where do they sell them at?” …completely forgetting about the carnival in town.

“At the carnival!”

“Oh yeah, the carnival! I forgot about the carnival…yay!! I’m excited!!” I said. Thinking, he better get me my OWN funnel cake…shoot…I am not about to share one with him…it’s bad enough I already shared sushi with him…smh…

….he finds a parking space, I unbuckle myself and place my purse in my lap. He parks, opens his door really fast, and rushes to get out of the car… what the???...Oh I see, he’s trying really hard to get out before I do, so he can open the door for me…bahahahaa! Well, I had already opened it, so I step out, take off walking and leave him behind!  Saying to myself, he didn’t get to open the door for me, but how about you just shut it dude…lol.

He catches up to me and we walk in together, God please don’t let him try to hold my hand…I’m not down with all this……I grab a cart and prepare to go in and go out…..I start power walking…..” Dude, come on, let’s power walk!”

“Huh?”… He says, looking confused!

“You know, power walk, me and SJ like to power walk through Wal-Mart….it’s the only work out I get sometimes!! “

“Oh ok!” while trying to keep up…

…I notice a little pimp limp in his walk….don’t ask about it Monica, that’s embarrassing, you walk with a limp too sometimes…..power walking my way through the store, I turn down the aisle where all the laundry detergents, fabric softeners  and dish soaps are, and head straight for the economy size bottle of Dawn Soap…I abandon the basket , reach for the soap and turn around to place it back, when much to my surprise,  I see him standing behind the basket, hands on the handle and ready to start pushing….LOL…omg, ok this is weird…..I don’t think I like this too much…I like to be in control of my basket…..shut up Monica…it’s a freaking basket! We turn the corner and run into some women who used to come to my church….

“Hi Shawn, Hi Crystal!” giving Crystal a hug…how are you ladies? Are you here for the weekend Crystal?” …..trying everything in my power not to have to introduce my date to my friends….omg…so awkward! You see, this is why you shouldn’t date, now people are going to think he’s your man, that’s the last thing you need….OMG MONICA shut up….just be cool, who freaking cares!?

“Oh how cool! So Shawn, what church are you going to now? ”Shawn answers and I can see Crystal looking at my man friend….lol…

“Oh I’m sorry girls, this is my ………this is my…!”..totally lost for his name I begin to laugh!!!

“Hi! I’m so and so!! “…pleasure to meet you ladies!”…..lol!! (You really didn’t think I would put his name in here did you…lol!?  Don’t worry Shawn and Crystal’s names are made up to!! A good writer always leaves her readers in suspense!! )…..trust me I know!! LOL!

“Thanks so and so, I got kind of stuck right there!” …we laugh, I wish my friends a good weekend and we take off walking towards the electronics…

“So why do you walk with a limp?”…OMG …what the heck Monica!!? Quit…don’t you know how to keep things to yourself…smh, you better apologize…..ummmm negative, I need to know. No apologies necessary.

“Oh, it’s an old football injury that I got back in high school!”

“Oh yeah, I think I remember you telling me that!”……but he didn’t tell me he walked with a limp...oh man not cool……seriously? Shut up!! You don’t even know how to walk yourself sometimes…….

…we pass Shawn and Crystal again while heading to the front of the store, I say something funny and laugh, bc like I said, it was weird!... We get in line to pay and I happen to see one of my fave brands of coconut water on the end cap….

“OMG this is my favorite coconut water!”  I say while picking one up. .and as I looked to the right, there happened to be a basket with random items in it….what the heck? Is that a wrestler’s mask…like  a NACHO LIBRE wrestler mask…lolololololol…..I pick it up and turn to show him…..

“Oh MY Gosh, I DARE you to put it on!” he laughed.

“DUDE, you don’t know who you’re daring!”…I put on the mask and model the coconut water while he snaps a pic….lol…..he doesn’t’ know anything radical about me yet, but, well he kind of does NOW..lol…maybe it would be fun to tell him that my life is completely made up of moments just like this! However, had it been me and some of my other friends…..I would have taken off running throughout Wal-Mart, going up to complete strangers and saying something super funny in Spanish and not being able to breathe from laughing so HARD!!!...naaahhh, don’t tell him, he’ll find out if stays around….besides, he needs to get used to your crazy self….we pay, walk out of Wal-Mart, he opens the door for me to get in E’s car, I get in, he gets in and we take off towards the carnival….

….I could see the BEAUTIFL bright lights as we got closer to the event center..

“Oh MY goodness it looks so beautiful! Those lights are amazing!!” I bet there are all kinds of people there…..oh well, you’ll just have to tell them he’s your FRIEND….and sure enough…as we pulled in and he searched for a parking place, I immediately saw another guy from work. I rolled down the window and in my best Mexican voice I said “EEEEEY JOSE!!!!”…..Jose turns and looks at me like what the heck…and then notice’s  me in E’s car…I could tell he was a bit shocked and I said..” I’m with E’s friend, he let him use his car!!”

Jose looks at my friend and says, “Oh what’s up man!…blah blah blah!”

“Ok Jose, see ya later!!! Have fun!”

….we park and  this time I wait for him to come around and open the door. He helps me out and we begin to walk into the carnival. It felt so good to be surrounded my so many colorful lights, laughter, and such sweet smelling treats!!!  “Oh wow look at that ride!” I say. “Want to ride some rides!?” he asks.

“WHAT? Are you for real, HECK YEAH!”

“Twenty tickets please! “he asks the lady behind the ticket booth.

…she hands him the tickets and he turns and asks.. “So which one do you wanna get on first?”

“How about this one! “…one that takes you straight up, only to drop you down as soon as you get up there….” Sure, come on!”….but waiting in line wasn’t an option….”Nevermind, let’s find another one without a line!”

“I know, The Gravitron!! Let’s go!”...and while walking to find it, we stopped to play a game. You know, the one where there are three bottles stacked in a triangle and you get to throw a ball so many times to try and knock them over…yeah that one. Well, we both threw the ball a couple times each, and no luck… :/…..yeah I was so sad…I though it would be like the movies, where the guy wins the girl a big o tiger or monkey or something ya know…lol..just kidding. But that carnival guy sure was happy…he had just scored him some cash for his lil six pack or whatever he chose……which reminds me…why are carnies so WEIRD…bless their hearts. I’d like to read a book written by one of them….mann!!! Talk about adventurous!

 

…..we find the Gravitron, only to see the gate closed and the carnie shaking his head no…WHAT? Not cool at all…”We can’t ride it?” “No mamm, it’s broke!”….ughhhhhhhh…I think I hate this carnival now….lol! I guess my date could see the disappointment on my face, bc he grabs my arm and holds my hand……. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....no dude let go, let go, let go, I’m not going to like you after this, let go…” Where are we going?”…”Come here!”…ughhh… if he doesn’t let go of my hand I’m not going anywhere…He let’s go…by then he had led me to a jewelry booth……

“No dude! This isn’t necessary!”…..wanting so bad to tell him…if you ever buy me jewelry..lol..buy me sterling silver and preferably from James Avery…”No really,  I’m serious dude…I don’t need anything and I’m not going to accept anything you buy!”

“Why not, I just want you to have a keepsake…something to remember the night by!”……….WHAT?...oh…my…gosh……

“Oh ok!”  I said  as I took off to scope out every piece of costume jewelry in the glass cases…and as I did…I see two guys I go to church with…

..Oh God, lol…I would see Corey and Mark here…I forgot they were coming to bring the kids so the ladies could plan the wedding…….see Mark is the one getting married to my friend, and may I add, very sarcastic. He gives me a hard time for being loud, and is always making fun of me!…..I thought, oh my gosh. I’m never going to live this one down…. …I tried with all that I had in me to ignore them, but felt strongly convicted, because there was nothing to hide…….by that time, I had made my way around  the booth and I choose a silver heart…

“Do you want my dad to engrave something on it fer ya?” asked the young carnie kid.

“No, it’s cool!”…hmmm…but my name would look good on there… naaah..…

“Yeah she does!” says my date… and so the carnie kid hands me a notepad and a pen…I write my name and a heart…easy does it….

“I’m gonna call my dad right now, and he’ll be here in just a bit!”…ok sounds great I thought, and expecting it to take longer, I call Corey and Mark over to introduce them to my date. They walk over, give manly hellos and exchange handshakes. “ I go to church with these guys, they’re amazing men of God .”.I tell him. Hmmm hmmm...I could have gone on and on…..like for instance  I wanted to say how Corey is up at the church for EVERY SINGLE event we have, giving his time, doing things, helping out, forgetting all about his wants…and how Mark has completely become a father to his fiancé’s son…man that’s amazing..

“Here ya go!” said the carnie kid while handing me my heart necklace…I look at Mark and I can see a STUPID smile on his face, like yeah..GOT YOU!!….LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! …oh my gosh, I can already hear him….

……we say bye, walk to find a food booth with funnel cakes and are shocked at how long the lines are…it’s a chilly night, neither of us are wearing jackets and neither one of us wants to stand in line…so we settle for a cherry slush…..we get our slushes, the slush girl takes a pic of us and we decide to call it a night….we walk to E’s car…he opens the door, and I get in….he gets in and we make our way out of all the traffic.

..passing the road to the casino, he asks if I ever go. “Ummm no, not my thing. I don’t go out like that…and when I did go out, I hardly ever went there!”….’”But you do huh, you like to go sing karaoke right?”….

“Yeah, I like to sing!”…

“Let me hear you sing!”

“What do you want me to sing?”

“Ummmm!?”…thin, think of  what  a popular song was when you would go out Monica…ummm,ummm…”Neon Moon!” I shout!

…he starts to sing, he sounds really good…I think this is nice…a guy singing to me, I’ve never experienced this…but he’s going to have to do a lot more than sing to win my heart….my heart belongs to Jesus…

…we arrive back at Pacific Rim. I thank him for such a wonderful time and he hands me the tickets he had purchased. Tells me to take SJ to the carnival when she gets back and hands me the first donation to help get SJ to camp….I am almost brought o tears…I give him a hug and yes he kisses me on the cheek..........ummmmm, yeah.  We say good bye…I get in my car and immediately check my phone….6 new text messages…oh my gosh…who is texting me so much..

Text 1…Hey what’s up? What are you doing?

Text 2..Text me when you have a chance..

Text 3..Monica, how is your date going…guess we can’t be friend’s anymore L

Text 4..must be going good, you haven’t text me all night.

Text 5…I’ll be working night’s this week…call me whenever you want, I’m up.

Text 6…DUDE, who are you on a DATE WITH??....CALL ME!!

 

….come back tomorrow to find out my thoughts on this guy, and a bizarre twist on just who, these mystery texts are from… J

Loves

~Monica

Blog 6

4/10/13

Part 2 of my date!

:: …so I get in my car, crank it up and turn up the music, only to turn it back down so I could hear myself pray..lol!  I don’t remember my exact prayer, but I know it went something like this…Dear God, thank you for the opportunity to meet this guy, thank you for everything. You know my heart, and you know my intentions. Father please send your angels to protect me and watch over me, I cancel every evil plan that the enemy may have and I commit to not compromise…I am your daughter and I want your will to be done in my life…let your light shine through me and let your word be my guide. In Jesus name I pray, Amen…then I started to say, please let him smell good God, please don’t let him have on pointy cowboy boots, please don’t let him be WEIRD, please don’t let him ask me stupid questions, please don’t let him try to make-out with me, and please GOD, PLEASE don’t let him try to shut me up if I talk about you….lol…somewhere  between the light at the Lovington Highway and Navajo, passing the movie theatre and arriving at Pacific Rim, my silly petitions gave me the  giggles….I couldn’t believe I was going on a date, I couldn’t believe I was now comfortable with going, I couldn’t believe that  a little over a month ago, I was on my knees, in my bedroom, crying out to God and telling him how sometimes, I get lonely. And asking why he wasn’t  doing anything about it, and begging to know what was going on with my spirit..…could this be the one sent from you God…or is it just another device from the enemy……could this be my future husband…or will it be like the last one….hmm…whatever it is…I was there at the restaurant, and there was absolutely no turning back now..…

……I checked my teeth, making sure there was no red lipstick on them or around my mouth, stiffed my hair back and then parted it again..lol. Why do women do that? Fix their hair only to put it back the way it was? Beats me, but I’ve done it forever..!! I check my cell phone, the time is 8:56, and he should be here I thought, but his truck isn’t here…hmmm… Maybe I didn’t pay attention to what he told me he drove…whatever, just go in already girl….

“Hi, is it just you tonight?” the hostess asks me. “No, I’m actually meeting someone here. Is there a guy here sitting alone?”

“No, but let me double check.” …she goes and does a search of the restaurant….while she’s gone, I get my phone out and send him a text…. ”Hey, I’m hereJ.”….no reply is what I got.

“No mamm, there isn’t anyone here alone. Would you like some water while you wait?”  “Umm..no thanks I’m fine!”……water was the last thing I wanted I was freakin hungry not thirsty…lol…

…I take a seat on the waiting bench…ughhhhh where is he?...freaking loser guy, I knew this was a bad idea, don’t you look dumb. Hahaha. ..then a text came in, it’s exactly 9pm…oh it must be him….

“Sorry I held him up!” said the text from an unknown number..… I smiled, because knew exactly who it was..… “It’s ok E.. J “

“It’s because I need his truck for something. He’s on his way!”…said the next text..Praise the Lord; I have time to use the bathroom. …I go, do my thing, walk back and take a seat again…30 seconds later, the door opens letting in a cool breeze,  and I see a guy walking in with gorgeous flowers….my heart said those are mine and this is him……aghhhhhhh!!!

 

…Thinking I was already seated.. He begins to look in the dining area…LOL…dork! “Hey you!” I said in my not so grown up voice..…he turns,…” Oh hi!” gives me a hug and hands me the flowers…”Sorry I’m late, E needed my truck and made me take his car and blah blah blah.”.. “Totally cool dude, don’t worry about it…he already text me to let me know!”  …That E…sure is a good guy, looking out for his friend and all…omg God, what kind of boot’s were those…is his man wearing Doc’s….hmm, that’s a nice Aeropostale shirt , and these flowers are amazing, boy he smells good, ask him what kind of cologne that is…….wow, he looks nothing like his pic …thank God. Keep in mind we aren’t even at the table yet, lol…. I’m telling you, my mind works 50 miles a minute… We get to the table, he pulls out my chair, takes my purse and places it in the empty chair next to mine….lol…OMG, this dude is old school…hmm…. He sits down……..he looks at me, and I blurt out….

“Dang dude, you look all buff and stuff, and really young, nothing like your pics!” …OMG did you just say that. What the heck, calm down…lol…lol..lol…too late now.. :/ remember what your cousin said…”Just be yourself…yeah Monica….that was totally you…

“You think so? I haven’t worked out in a while.” He replied…and may I add with a smile on his face that could have lit up Dallas… lol….the waiter comes, takes our drink orders and we start up a chat…… what followed were a California Sushi Roll, chicken fried rice, and a soup that I wouldn’t have eaten even if dared to for a million bucks…something about creamy WHITE soups makes me eeeeerk….stories about his years in the navy, ( I think..lol) and time spent in  Japan that kept me quite on the edge of my seat.  And as I ate dinner I said omg, why had I never been here before? How long has this restaurant been here? Omg this SUSHI is amazing..…it took everything in me not to eat it all…lol! Don’t be a fatty Monica, don’t be a fatty…act like you only want 3……quit staring at the SUSHI Monica…….keep talking…hurry up, drink a bunch of water…….”So you wanna coach baseball, that’s so neat! You like kids?”…Omg, imagine what you and him could do for so many kids….shut up that’s like not even an option right now……I eat, he eats, we talk, and  I try  super hard to not pay attention to my phone. It overwhelmed me and almost made me tear up at how many of my friends and family were thrilled that I was on a date…..boy do I have an audience I thought…God, you are so good to me…I never thought you would use me like this…how on Earth is this going to bring you glory…..don’t worry about that right now…you focus on that last piece of sushi… “Are you going to eat that last piece…lol?”

“No, go ahead!”….yeah you better let me have this last piece I thought…lol…lol..lol…OMG…this guy is cool, I don’t care what no one says….lol.

….finishing up dinner I realize that it was like ten minutes till closing…and seeing that most of the employees were around high school age, I thought, hurry up and get out of here, these kids want to go have fun tonight… we finish and  we get up to leave, he pays and I will admit…I got  kind of sad that the “date “ was ending. SOOOOO I said “Want to go with me to Wal-Mart, I have some things I need to get for tomorrow’s car wash?”……absolutely positive that he would say no, I was a bit shocked when he said “Sure, let’s take E’s car!” …Ummmm ok……thank God E drives a nice Yukon….bahahahahahaha…..don’t judge me, but guys that drive nice cars, well, it says a lot about them…shows they work hard to have nice things, they care about what they are riding their families in and point blank, nice cars are nice cars….totally off the subject but…had E not had a nice car, I probably wouldn’t have been as excited  to go in his car…..lol!...I get in the passenger seat of E’s car, my date buckles up, I buckle up, and I watch the lil navigation  screen as he backs up……Oh God……please don’t let there be a lot of people at Wal Mart……

:) lol...I 'll post the amazing ending tomorrow. :)

loves

~Monica

Blog 5

4/9/13

My date...well, part 1 of it!

:: ..so like many other women in this world…I am single, and a mother. A happy single mother who is perfectly fine with being whole, and single… but at times yearns and desires DEEPLY for God to hurrrrry and bring that man of God to my doorstep..lol….Anyone that says they are completely ok with being single, and  that they don’t desire to have a man or woman in their life, may say it and believe it for the time being, but there is always a desire for a relationship. After all we were created for relationships…our first and most important one being with God….I had kind of kissed dating goodbye a few months ago. …Simply bc the last guy I “dated”  was …whew….let’s just not go there…ha! Well…as with the territory of being single, you are goin to be given the opportunity to “date”…. And I’ll admit, I kind of hate the way it sounds…I’d rather say hang out… I’d rather not date at all….but how on Earth will I ever know if God has sent someone if I never take the time to find out…adventurous Monica is what I’d like to call myself when I “date”…lol

…well, as most know...I went on a “date” last Friday and had a great time…..I will admit, I struggled to say yes….why?...I have to say that it’s bc the bible talks about guarding our hearts….if we open it up to just whatever, and especially  whoever, we may be setting  ourselves up for hurt, rejection and lies…that’s how the enemy works…wrong relationships...any who…on to my date…lol….I work with this guy, who’s name starts with an E..lol…and one day he walked into my lil office area and says, “Monica, how long have you been married?”…ummm, I’m not married... “Really, you weren’t married to your daughter’s dad?”…no. “ So you’re single?”…Yeah dude…”Oh!”…..let’s say  two weeks later he comes in yet again and says, “Snookie! (the silly nickname I got for being loud)…I have a friend I want you to meet!” No, I don’t want to meet anyone…thinking to myself…if this guy is anything like him…he wears taco hats, boots with a point as tall as me, he drinks, probably has no church in him, and ummm yeah…not my type…”Why not, he’s a heck of a guy, he like to go fishing!!! …..lol..lol…lol…fishing?...ok. Hey fishing is better than bar hopping or sleeping around….lol…I ignored him….and the next day he came  in AGAIN, determined to get my number for his friend….”Omg dude, I’m gonna give it to you, but tell him to text, and if he blows up my phone, I won’t talk to him at all….lol!” “Ok Snookie!”…smh I thought,  OMG…what did I just do… :/……….Surprisingly, this guy text me within 30 minutes…lol…and since then, we text, talked on the phone, text more, emailed and basically got to know each other a bit that way…..it continued that way for about three weeks…and finally the “date” was set………

…..every other Friday,  I take SJ half way  to Lubbock so she can see her daddy. Well, after dropping her off with her grandparents, I headed back to Hobbs to help plan my friend’s wedding and thinking …”this would be a perfect reason to cancel the date…you know you want to hang out with your friends anyway… do you really think you’ll finish all the planning in an hour?”.....OMG!  SHUT UP…. just ask him if you can move it up an hour……ughhhhh ok……in a text I wrote....”Hey, think we can meet at 9 instead of 8…blah, blah, blah….lol?”…his response……”Absolutely, I’ve got a couple things to do in a bit!! So please don’t rush!”……..dude, that was easy I said……I arrived at my friend’s house and TRIED to be a part of the wedding planning……..lol…. but as the butter flies and NERVES took over, I found myself sitting alone, with two of my friends, praying to myself and doing everything I could not to text and say “hey I can’t make it”….but since God is so good, he nudged me to to talk about it with my friends…… errrrrrrrrrrr……immediately I was relieved ….my phone time hit 8:45pm, so I said goodbye to my friends, gave a few goodbye hugs and got in my car……..

 :) come back tomorrow for ALLL the details..........aghhhh!!!!!!

loves

~Monica

Blog 4

4/8/13