...all too many times we go through life not knowing who a person really is, but even worse not knowing who WE really are......not because it is obvious about who people aren't or because we hide who we are, but because we have chosen to believe who and what someone else said we were...
....I remember as a little girl, the torment I recieved from my brothers, classmates and random people about being overweight.....I mean, even though I was just a little overweight, it was devastating to me. I cried all the time, hated myself and thought that I was the fattest little girl that ever lived....I remember going into the 5th grade and the chick at JC Penny's telling my mom I needed to shop in like teen sizes....I remember leaving and thinking this isn't right, I'm just so fat, I'm freakin FAT....I'd heard that I was fat, seen people treat me like a fat person, and believed that I was fat....
.....I remember going to an almost all white school and not dressing like most of the kids there.....while they wore Gerbaud, Guess, Pepe Jeans, Eastlands and a couple of other famous brands that I can't think of right now...lol, I was wearing Chic jeans, Route 66 and Keds....I mean my parents worked and made good money and I was satisfied with the clothes I had, but when I saw that I wasn't wearing what the the rich kids were wearing...all of a sudden I felt poor, and I believed that I was poor....
....I grew up thinking that I was fat and poor.......no one could change my mind...lol....and I wasn't even that fat, and nowhere near to being poor...but I believed what people said and what I saw....I created my own self image.....a poor self image...a stupid image that I carried around with me till I was 27..
....at the age of 25, broken and blaming all that had gone wrong in my life on myself, my image became worse than it had ever been...and to fat and poor, I added dumped, used, abused, manipulated and countless other titles....I was on the verge of self destruction...I thought the only way out was to die...I hated my life, I hated who I was, what I had been labeled, and who I had believed myself to be...I hated the self image I had created....
...I went on that way, believing myself for about 2 years, doing everything I could to try and cover up what I believed about myself.....slowly dying on the inside..
.....keep in mind I attended church, I was a fake at church, but I attended..lol......one day loving God and at the same time hating myself.....but one thing I noticed at church was this book that they talked so much about, this book that had changed lives, made fat people and poor people love themselves... and to this day still is....being so tired of feeling the way I did, I reached out to this book and thought what the heck.....little did I know that not only was this book about to teach me about God, but through this book, God was about to change my poor self image...
.....2 years later I look at myself in the mirror and laugh at my love handles, sometimes commanding them to leave in the name of Jesus!! I don't know what I would do without my chubby cheeks, they're like my signature...lol...unique! I love to shop at thrift shops, and I love teaching my daughter that it doesn't matter what you wear, cheap or expensive...what matters is what brand you're wearing on the inside...that Jesus brand...I've taken off the labels that life's situations have put on me and put on ones from that amazing book......from dumped and left to loved and never forgotten...from poor to rich, from mad and sad, to fearfully and wonderfully made......
.....I choose, day after day, to take my self image off and wear his....all bc of what this book says...this book being the Bible.....if you are struggling with self image...don't feel like you are alone..I've been there and done that....and with all the love in me... I ask you to open up that book, remove your self image, and begin to wear his......that book will teach you who you are and change who you are...it's changed me, and trust me....I needed a new image....
Loves..~Monica
Blog2
3/22/13
*Come back on Monday for how to's on getting rid of that poor self image!! It'll be great!!!
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